The Adventures of Trumperlin and the Rambling TOOT -Tales from East Bunting - Live Nonsense Song, for Accoustic Rock Guitar, with Original Music

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The Adventures of Trumperlin

and The RamblingTOOT

Being, a Merry little fellow
in his Dumpledown suit
which was all coloured yellow
Buttoned down below
his round rounded face
from head to foot
there was seldom a trace
of the slightest mellow
while out on the chase
for the rambling TOOT

He'd a Smile and a Hello
tho' to keep up the pace
was a very hard thing
he'd Whistle and he'd Sing
in the middle of the race
for the rambling TOOT

but oh no - I've forgotten again
I'd not mentioned his name
and the whole introduction
oh I am sorry for this interruption

well, his name was Trumperlin
of peasant descent,
and his wife Lahumlina
was a beauty of fame
they met first down a lane
one day while pursuing
a rambling TOT
which is just the same as the TOOT
only smaller
a lesser relation
in the TOOT nation

now, Trumperlin had gained
a fine reputation in the TOOT catch
there was no-one his match
and at the annual contest to test who was best at tackling toots
Trumperlin used the Congleas Drew
(a hidden technique
known only to few)
and so outdid his rivals
'twas a case of survival
for to whoever won it
any wish could be granted
and so quite enchanted
he asked for the hand
of the girl Lahumlina,
she gladly consented
so they rented a Cottage
a dwelling with land
and had two fine sons
(tho' daughters were planned)

Well life passed contented
with the sons growing older
as Trumperlin grew bolder
and he'd wake early morning
with a shake of his head
born and bred a TOOT hunter
and : "HO HUM" he said
"The TOOT TRACK I'll tread"

and So, off he'd go,
though the Track wasn't easy
it was Slimey and Sleazy
and TOOTS are often
very grimey and greasy
But "HO HUM" he cried
"A TOOT I will find"

Through woods he walked
Through swamps he stalked
and Then
all of a Sudden
He Heard the Call
and "TOOT" it went "TOOT TOOT"
"TOOT" again "TOOT"
Trumprelin Shuddered
'twas the Sound of the RUMBLING TOOT
At full speed with haste
he retreated in case
the TOOT should follow
Cross leggedly running
Heart and head drumming
he tripped over and tumbled
as the thing behind rumbled

in the distance
"TOOT" it went "TOOT TOOT"

and when he'd escaped
he was tired and worn
and his dumpledown suit
was Ripped and Torn
it was no longer yellow

Well, he ran to the Village
and there, in the square
his countryfolk gathered
and as he recovered
he recounted the Facts
about the TRACK
which he'd followed that day
and they were filled with dismay
as he told of the way
that he'd found
it was not a TOT or TOOT
that was round
but the RUMBLING TOOT

and Many then Told
Stories of Old
Many were Bold
Many were Sure
they could Capture the RUMBLER
But as Trumperlin remembered
None ever saw it
except in the distance ...
and many had tried Since
but Look what had happened
Half had been Flattened
to end up as TOOT mince

as the Tales went on
and the list grew longer
of those who had fallen
Trumperlin grew stronger
the TOOT HUNT was calling
again in his head,
and "HO-HUM" he said
"the TOOT TRACK we'll tread"
"we must go in a Band"
"All Those from TOOT land"
"who wish to be rid"
"of this menace forever"
"we must go out and get"
"All of the village together"

So, they went to a Meeting
all those who were going
and Trumperlin and Others
gave Talks to their Brothers
on the TOOT catch
about the TOOT's habits
and how best to grab it
and the Congleas Drew
(among other technique known only to few)
for tho' it looked quite harmless
unless under harness
'twas a dangerous creature
and they told of its Features
and the Sound which it let loose
and when they had Finished
Many were frightened
But their Buckles they Tightened
and arranged to be away
the very next day

Well never a finer crowd was gathered
Wives and well-wishers
Met in small bunches
Complete with packed lunches

and there came Lahumlina
and she embraced Trumperlin and said
"take care my husband
dont take too much chance"
(well in every good tale
there's a touch of romance)

and Then "HO-HUM" they said
"The TOOT TRACK we'll tread"

Well the track was found it
It led by and round
To the forest deep
They began to creep
Slowly and quiet
Inbetween trees
down on their knees
Keeping in threes
And so this lasted
They thought their time wasted
They thought they'd gone past it
and the TOOT they'd lost it
When suddenly
There
Right infront
Came the call
"TOOT" it went "TOOT TOOT"
"TOOT" again "TOOT"
They stepped back a pace
Trumperlin looked round
Half of the crowd
Weren't to be found
the Rest were white Faced
But Trumperlin's eyes Lighted
"Charge" he cried "Charge"
As he Raced to the Source of the TOOT
a Few slowly followed
a Few lamely ran
Then the TOOT came again
and Many turned then
but Trumperlin went on
and Then he did see
There all Alone
to What they were Prone
was a TOT with a Megaphone.

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Tales from East Bunting
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